B and I started dating in 2012. We met in December 2011, became official in January 2012, and moved in together a short four months later in April. Though, she moved her cat to my apartment long before that. So you know, the literal definition of Uhaul Lesbians. (Here’s the full story of how we met by the way!) We admittedly moved relatively quickly in all of those areas, but not with having a child. While we were both in our late-twenties, neither of us were, honestly, in any real rush to have kids. Sure, we talked about having kids one day, but we also talked about maybe not having kids and just living a fun nomadic life. This went on for years. We got married in January 2015 and still didn’t have a particularly pressing need to get pregnant right away. There was no rush primarily because we wanted to get to know one another better first, but also because we wanted to have more stability in our lives. When people brought it up, we would remind them that it was something we had to plan and as such, we didn’t want to just take the decision lightly. Since we weren’t going to just accidentally end up pregnant, we had the whole planning thing on our side, which I think is what ends up making many same-sex couples take it to the extremes of planning, but that’s a separate story.
Anyway, we started getting serious with our discussions about children towards the end of 2015. We were getting older and by that I don’t necessarily mean that we were “feeling our biological clocks ticking,” but more so that we were kind of just settling down in life. Our idea of a good time was getting some place early enough to get home with a good buzz by 10p. I had started going to the club (nightclub, “out dancing,” whatever you want to call it) when I was 15 years old and honestly things are always the same. You get dressed up nice, have a few drinks before, take some shots there, someone gets too drunk, there’s some sort of discussion about the best way to drink (beer before liquor; don’t beak the seal, etc) and/or what to do with that person who is “too” drunk, you go out to get food that nobody eats, then you talk about how wild of a night it was the next day or months or years later. We were getting over that scene and doing more bottomless mimosas at brunch and buzzed-shopping at Target kind of stuff. Most of our nights were spent watching Netflix, like actually watching it. A lot of the people in our social circle had kids, so our group activities often meant family-friendly things anyway. Breweries in San Diego had kid’s toys! So, in this sense, having a kid wasn’t really going to get in the way of how we were living our lives. Buzzed shopping for diapers?
Our decision ended up being a lot more pragmatic than emotional in the end. Yes, we were in a place where we felt ready, but also we decided that if we didn’t have kids, there was a chance might get older and regret that decision once it was already too late. But, if we had kids, we were a lot less likely to end up regretting that, based on all of the previous conversations we’d had about wanting kids. So that was that. We were going to to have a baby. But how?